


Doubting Myself

by WhitePikachu



Series: One to Call My Own [1]
Category: Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Male Friendship, Male Homosexuality, Mentioned Investigation Team, My First Fanfic, Persona 4 Spoilers, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Romance, souyo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 03:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12572580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitePikachu/pseuds/WhitePikachu
Summary: Yosuke is reminding himself of how much he truly cares about Souji, especially after the case has been solved. He’s become jealous of other people, but why? He should be able to be with whoever he wants, right?Now Yosuke has to find out how to confess without chickening out or losing his relationship with Souji, because he’s sure that if he keeps it bottled up, he’ll just hate himself for it. The strains from Susano-o aren’t helping, either.





	Doubting Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, I finally got an invitation from AO3! Now time to plague this website with Souyo fanfiction because it's my OTP and no one can stop me :D
> 
> This is my first fanfiction that I actually cared enough about to finish, so tell me how I did, and maybe I'll make more!

It all started with that trash-can.

How can a single garbage bin change one's life forever? Well, no one would probably give you a straight answer with a normal face and have the balls to walk away with all of his/her dignity intact, but Yosuke could definitely explain to you how a particular blue bin made him embarrassed - yet extremely happy - to think about.

Months after the "incident" regarding the silver-haired boy plucking Yosuke out of the trash-can he crashed into with his flimsy bike, he finds himself being best friends and partners with this very same teenager. A guy named Souji Seta, who Yosuke could talk and boast about all day if you let him.

He became best friends with Souji as soon as he met him; they didn't really have any other friends to compare themselves with anyways. However, the case regarding the Midnight Channel murders made them even closer than best friends. They became  _ partners.  _ They helped each other survive in the other world, and Yosuke probably wouldn't have ever lived past his encounter with his own shadow if it wasn't for Souji saving him. However, as time passed and Adachi was arrested, Yosuke started to want more from his partner. Not in expectations or anything, since Yosuke had pretty low standards when it came to friends, but he wanted to be Souji's actual  _ romantic  _ partner.

But how? Souji didn't seem to swing that way; how could Yosuke ever catch his attention? He always thought of himself as a nobody, someone who would probably have to wait many years in order to even have a chance at getting a girlfriend or even a boyfriend. His classmates made him feel that way, and they haven't even done anything to him.

He was sitting in class when he thought back to the days before Souji arrived in Inaba. He realized that Souji was his gateway to actual friends in the countryside. Before Souji arrived, he only had Chie (who could remember his name) and Yukiko (who could remember he existed). Now, he has Souji (his prized possession), Nanako, Chie, and all the others of the Investigation Team. They were all his precious friends, but he treasures Souji's friendship the most out of all of them, and he likes to think that Souji does the same. He smiles to himself when he realizes that Souji usually always has an open spot in his schedule just for Yosuke, and he would definitely cancel some other gatherings and hang-outs just to be with his partner. Well, except family. Family comes first.

Yosuke didn't mind when he did go out with other friends, but that was  _ then. _ That was before the case was solved, and before everyone was relaxed and was ready to live a life without their Personas, and without their lives being at risk because of Shadows running amok all over the TV world. Now, Yosuke is starting to get jealous of those who cut into his time with Souji. His time with his  _ partner. _ Of course, he kept this to himself. There was no point in scaring his lover away with his clinginess and jealousy. So, to his dismay, he had to let Souji hang out with his other friends. He was more afraid of when Souji went out (platonically of course) with other girls. What if he picks up a girl? What if he forgets about Yosuke? Well, maybe he was overreacting with that last one.

He was removed from his own thoughts when the bell rang. He got a bit nervous when he realized that he didn't have any clue what the class went over today, and as if right on cue, Souji got up from his seat and walked towards him. Chie and Yukiko walked out of the classroom, and Yosuke never really knew or cared about where they went during lunchtime after the Investigation Team dissolved.

Souji gave him a worried expression. "Yosuke? Are you okay? You were kinda dozing off, and it was more obvious than usual."

Yosuke blinked, then broke eye contact. He didn't want him to notice that he might've been blushing when Souji spoke to him. "I'm... fine. I just... got a lot on my mind."

Souji put his hand on Yosuke's shoulder, making Yosuke jump in his seat. "Well, you can talk to me if you need someone else to help figure things out."

Yosuke looked at Souji with a blank expression and flushed a little. He nodded. "Yeah. I can always count on you, right?"

"Always."

Yosuke gave him a smile, but it quickly grew into a frown. He didn't really think about what he was about to say, but he spoke up without knowing what he was doing. "Hey, partner?"

_ What am I doing what am I doing what am I doing what am I doing, Yosuke you better stop this right now you will never forgive yourse- _

"Yeah?"

_ Crap. _

Yosuke started stuttering like a lunatic, not knowing what he wanted to say next. Confessing to his best friend in front of people in a classroom? Not his ideal way of either starting a relationship or causing a dramatic scene that will make people stare.

Yosuke sighed and looked back up at Souji. "N-never mind... forget I said anything."

Souji was no doubt confused. He simply nodded and started to walk away when he looked back at Yosuke. "See you on the roof, then?"

"Y-yeah! I'll be there in a second, partner."

Souji smiled and walked out of the classroom. Yosuke was glad that he was left to himself for the time being. He sighed and slumped in his chair. He knew he had to recollect his thoughts and go up to the roof, where his lover was waiting for him. He wanted to go see Souji, but there was a part of him that wanted to sprint home while using Sukukaja.

_ Ngh! _

Yosuke felt a strain in his chest. It came out of nowhere - was it that he hasn’t eaten? No, that would probably be an explanation for something around his stomach… then he realized. His Persona.

_ Shit. This is probably hurting Susano-o. _

Yosuke thought about how he was doubting himself because he wasn’t sure what to do regarding his feelings for Souji. He mentally cursed at himself for having an image to keep up for himself, or else he’ll hate himself for it.

_ I guess I’ll just go see Souji on the roof. Maybe I’ll know what to do next. _

Without hesitation (he now is afraid of such a thing), he got up from his desk and walked out of the classroom and started making his way towards the roof.

When he opened the door to the roof of Yasogami High, he looked around for silver hair. He saw Souji sitting where the team sat when Yukiko was rescued and brought food for her and Chie; also where Kanji came up to them asking to join the team and help out in the murder case. He likes thinking back to the days in which he still hung around the Investigation Team (even though he still does talk and hang out with them), but Souji is who he's focused on for the most part. Yosuke then notices that Souji seems to be holding a container that has some food in it, but Yosuke can’t tell what’s in it. Probably curry.

When he sees Souji, a part of him wishes to not acknowledge his existence, but the other 99% of him wants to sprint up to him and hug him. But in the end, he has to cancel out all his thoughts -  _ I got it Susano-o don’t give me another heart attack  _ \- and just walk up to him  _ normally _ and have a  _ normal  _ conversation with his  _ best friend, _ not his boyfriend.

"Oh, hey Yosuke! You seem a bit better than how you did moments ago."

Yosuke frowned a little at his comment. Souji was so observant towards everything Yosuke does, and sometimes Yosuke wishes he wouldn't be like that. It would make conversations with him a lot easier. But then again, he's glad to know that Souji can read him so he doesn’t have to explain what’s on his mind.

“Y-yeah, I guess…”

Souji cocked his head in response. He clearly is making a note of all of Yosuke’s weird and hesitant (maybe Susano-o isn’t doing enough) responses. He shook his head and handed the container of food to Yosuke. Yosuke brightened up when he realized he was right about it being filled with Souji’s world famous (famous around his group of friends and family anyway) curry.

“Aww, sweet! You always make the best curry, partner!”

Souji smiled in response. Yosuke may not know it, but all Souji wants is to make Yosuke happy. His smile is worth more to him than any material a Wealth Hand could drop in a dungeon.

Yosuke sat down right next to Souji, maybe a little bit  _ too  _ close, and started chomping down on Souji’s curry. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he stopped bringing lunch from home just so he can have an excuse to have a sample of Souji’s cooking in school. He’s pretty sure that Souji also knows this, but he does it anyway. He may love his cooking, but he stops eating when he notices something strange.

“Hey… where’s your food?” Yosuke stared at Souji’s hands.

Souji’s face fell. He was hoping that Yosuke wouldn’t ask that.

“Ah. Well… I only had time to make one meal since I kinda woke up a bit late this morning, and I decided to just give it to you.”

Yosuke instantly felt guilty. And Souji read exactly what he felt, so he spoke up again.

“B-but, you can have that! I swear, I’m not hungry. You eat more than I do, so you should eat it.” Souji’s face flushed a little as the words left his mouth.

Yosuke shook his head and gave the container to Souji. “Dude, you can finish Aiya’s Mega Beef Bowl Challenge, and you say  _ I  _ eat more than  _ you _ ? No, you can have the curry. I’ll just get something at Junes when I get there.”

There would’ve been no problem for what Yosuke just said, except for one thing. It’s Friday. He doesn’t have a shift at Junes today, and both of them know that.

He felt another surge of pain in his chest and clenched it.  _ Shit, calm down… I know I’m doing this wrong, but I just don’t wanna lose him… _

Souji started to get nervous. “Y-Yosuke? What’s wrong?”

“Uh… haha… n-nothin’, partner. All’s fine and d-dandy…” Yosuke faked a grin, and Souji saw right past it.

“You are not fine, and I know you’re lying. Tell me what’s wrong, please?” Souji put a hand on Yosuke’s shoulder, and Yosuke felt his world crumbling.

He didn’t  _ want  _ to lie to him, but he couldn’t tell him the truth. That was completely out of the question.  _ Think Hanamura, think! Shit shit shit… _

“I… uh… um…”  _ Shit, he’s gonna keep thinking I’m out of my mind… think of something… anything! _

Souji’s face grew more worried and nervous. “Yosuke… I think we should get you to the nurse…”

Yosuke quickly shook his head in disagreement. “N-nah…. I’ll be fine. The bell’s gonna ring soon, right? I’m sure that it'll pass…”

“Yosuke…”

“I’ll be fine, partner. Let’s go back to class.” Yosuke started to stand up, visibly shaking.

_ C’mon you yellow-eyed asshole, I know I’m in the wrong here, but let me live, alright? I’ll be sure to tell him later, I promise. _

Yosuke then noticed what he just thought. His shadow is hurting. He has to confess to Souji, unless he wants another shadow pop right out of him and attack him, or worse, kill him. He knows the case has been solved, but his shadow makes him feel whole; he can’t just give up his other half.

“S-Souji? Can I please just… talk to you after class?” Yosuke asked nervously. His face was burning a bright red color.

Souji looked at Yosuke. “U-um… okay. In front of the school gate?”

“N-no… somewhere private, if you don’t mind. Can we go to your house?”

Souji nodded. Without another word, Yosuke turned his back towards him and started to shuffle away quickly from Souji so he didn’t have a heart attack from his Persona. Hell, he doesn’t even know if his Persona is still intact, it might as well have separated from him already because of what just happened.

Much to his relief, the strain started to subside. He still felt it, but at least he told Souji a little bit of what’s on his mind. He figured that his shadow was starting to feel a bit better. Now, all he has to do is not get cold feet.

_ Now, to think of a way to get him to not hate me just in case he doesn’t return my feelings… I shouldn’t just kiss him right after confessing, that’ll give him no time to react… _

Yosuke remained lost in thought of how he would confess to Souji while he made his way back to his classroom, leaving Souji behind.

* * *

 

Souji stood there, confused by the way Yosuke just up and ran away from him like that.  _ What was wrong with him? He looked like he was in pain… maybe something happened with his parents? No, why would he suddenly think about that during lunch…? _

Souji shook his head and started to walk to his classroom. He figured he shouldn’t try to catch up with Yosuke since he said he would talk to him after school anyways. But he thought about what Yosuke said before he bolted.

_ Somewhere private… what would he want to tell me in private? _

Souji tried to connect the dots, but there was too little information for him to suddenly jump to conclusions. He hung out with Naoto long enough, so he should be able to figure out this simple riddle…

_ Private… after school… strain in his chest area… flushing… oh. OH. _

Souji put two and two together. Yosuke had a crush. It all made sense, why else would he be flushing while he told Souji to meet him somewhere  _ private _ like Souji’s  _ own house _ , and why would he be in pain?

Then Souji realized another important point. Yosuke faced his shadow. He had to accept his own self for his shadow to calm down and become one with him. If he suddenly started lying to himself, of course, his shadow - and in turn, his Persona - is feeling the same pain he was just now, perhaps greater.

On his way back to class, he realized that when Yosuke tells him, he’ll need to be supportive of whoever he decided to fall in love with. Well, he’ll  _ try  _ to be supportive.

After all, how could Souji like the idea of Yosuke being with someone else when Souji wanted Yosuke to be his?

When he opened the door to the classroom, several desks were still empty, since the bell didn’t ring yet. However, one particular desk caught Souji’s attention. The desk behind his was still empty. In other words, Yosuke still hasn’t arrived.

_ But he left the roof before I did… where could he be? _

Souji didn’t think about it too much since he knew Yosuke had a tendency to not care too much about his school grades, or his attendance. Maybe he went to the nurse by himself, after he said he would be fine to Souji. Souji digressed. He figured he should just focus on what his teacher has to lecture him about for the rest of the day, and he’ll just go home after school since Yosuke wanted to meet up there anyway.

 

~After School~

 

As soon as the bell rung, Souji packed up his things and walked out of the classroom before anyone else. He hadn’t really bothered to talk to Chie or Yukiko while walking out besides just saying goodbye, and he didn’t have the intention to stick around to answer their seemingly confused expressions with an explanation when he had to meet up with Yosuke.

He found himself stopping near the Samegawa Flood Plain. As he looked out to the river, he thought back to how Yosuke suddenly asked to punch him to even things out, after he admitted that he was jealous of Souji, and just wanted to be on equal terms. Souji still carries Yosuke’s bandage wherever he goes, somewhat like a good luck charm. He never used it to actually heal his wounds from Yosuke’s fistfight, even though Yosuke’s punches did hurt and they did indeed leave a few bruises around Souji.

He smiled to himself when he thought back to Chie and Yukiko asking why the duo was covered in wounds, and they just laughed and replied with “just things between us guys”. The girls were obviously confused, but the partners didn’t care. It was their own little secret.

Small things like that made Souji smile. It made Souji think how he should be there for Yosuke, even if he was in some untraversed area in the TV world. He  _ loved  _ Yosuke.

He shook his head and continued walking towards his house, where he would undoubtedly see Yosuke who seemed to be impatiently waiting for him.

* * *

 

As he walked closer, Yosuke noticed him and sighed in relief.

“Geez, where were you? School e-ended like, half an hour ago! The walk from here shouldn’t take so long!” Yosuke didn’t seem angry, and he meant it as a joke since he started chuckling right after.

Souji smiled at Yosuke’s laughter. “Well, I stopped at the floodplain to think about… stuff.”

Yosuke eyed him suspiciously. “S-stuff?”

“Yeah, but that’s not important.” Souji sighed heavily. He might as well ask Yosuke what he wanted to meet up about. “Anyways, you wanted to talk?”

Yosuke flushed. “U-um… could we go inside first…?” Yosuke eyed the direction of the front door, not wanting to make eye contact with Souji.

“Sure.”

Souji walked towards the door and unlocked it. After he opened the door, Yosuke quickly walked in behind him, thankful that the house was empty.

“I’m guessing Nanako and Dojima-san aren’t here?” Yosuke looked around the main living room.

“N-no… Nanako should be getting out of school soon, and my uncle is still at work. I don’t think he’s coming home tonight.”

Yosuke looked back at Souji and nodded. He then sighed heavily. “Alright. So… why did I call you here, you might be thinking. You might also be thinking why I skipped class right after lunch.”

Souji nodded, although he wasn’t very keen on learning why he skipped. He was more focused on why he was with a blushing Yosuke in his own house.

“W-well… I… uh… I… have a crush on someone… please don’t hate me for this…” Yosuke started to scratch the back of his head, something Souji knew he did when he was nervous.

“Yosuke, I could never hate you even if I tried.”

Yosuke’s heart started beating faster and faster. “E-even if I t-told you… that that someone is you…?”

Both remain quiet. Yosuke stared at Souji for a bit, before looking at the ground again. Yosuke could hear his own heartbeat in the deafening silence. Souji couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was at a loss for words.  _ Yosuke, the one who was hellbent on getting a girlfriend at the time of the murder case, now had a crush on his best friend…?  _ Well, at least he was right about Yosuke having a crush. But he never assumed that it would be  _ him  _ of all people.

Yosuke took Souji’s silence as rejection. His eyes started to well up with tears. “Y-you d-don't… have to say a-anything… I’ll just l-leave I guess…”

As Yosuke started to walk towards the front door, Souji put his hand on his shoulder. Then, he pulled Yosuke’s face towards his and pressed their lips together. Yosuke was visibly shaken by the sudden kiss, but soon returned the kiss and placed his arms around Souji’s neck. The kiss lasted for around 40 seconds when they pulled back, gasping for air. Yosuke finally decided to break the silence.

“I… I never thought you would feel the s-same way…”

“I k-knew you had a crush… but… but I never would’ve thought you liked  _ me  _ out of all people…” Souji pressed his forehead on Yosuke’s.

“You say that like you’re not worth it.”

“I’m really not.”

Yosuke scoffed and pulled away a bit from Souji’s forehead. “You’re the most perfect and popular guy in school. Straight As, an extremely friendly and welcoming aura, and your personality is one that could make anyone fall in love with you. And you’re saying that  _ you  _ aren’t worth it. Besides all of your perfect traits, I just have this feeling that I shouldn’t ever leave your side. You’ve saved me countless times in the TV world, and I feel like I have to protect you over and over to make sure you’re never in harm’s way.”

Souji felt tears cloud his vision. He hugged Yosuke tightly. “You’ve already done an amazing job in both protecting me and keeping me happy… I want to always be with you Yosuke, and I promise you that I’ll give you everything I have in order to just see that smile and hear that laughter of yours one more time…”

“I guess the feeling’s mutual partner…”

Souji nodded. He then brushed Yosuke’s lips with his own. It was the beginning of something that neither of them would ever regret.

**Author's Note:**

> I thought writing fanfiction would be easy, but damn was I wrong. This might have the quality of something written in like 4 hours (maybe less), but it actually took me weeks to write. Oops...


End file.
